Generally speaking, we like to try to stick to a pretty specific set of criteria when writing a story for this site.  Of course, said criteria isn’t clearly defined nor adhered to in any way, so in fact, there’s no reason for me to have written the previous sentence.  THAT being said, we do generally try to write stories about football, and then usually something having to do with Tennessee and/or SEC football.

We occasionally however, stray from the norm and address issues of a slightly broader nature.  This, isn’t exactly one of those stories, as it still pertains with football, but I feel like we need to address the Brett Favre situation.

As some of you may know, Brett Favre, the long time quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, retired a few months ago in a teary-eyed press conference where he proclaimed that he felt that he had run out of gas and passion for the game.  Of course, not everyone was convinced that he was through with the game, and as appears to be the case, he wasn’t.  Favre has since essentially rescinded his retirement, and has made it become aware that he would like to return to the game of football.  Unfortunately for him, the Packers apparently haven’t exactly been wanting to welcome him back with open arms.  The Packers organization has stated that they would welcome Brett back to be Aaron Rodgers’ backup.  They have also stated that they would not release Favre from his contract.

Okay, let’s take this one step at a time.  First off, if I’m the Packers, and one of the greatest quarterbacks of our time who has been at the helm of our franchise for the past 18 or so seasons wanted to come back and play for my team, I’d cut off Aaron Rodgers’ arms to make it a sure thing.  Rodgers has been in the league for three seasons (coming up on his fourth), and has spent the majority of his career holding clipboards on the sidelines and occasionally giving Brett Favre’s sweaty balls a wipe down.  His most notable achievement thus far has been playing at Cal and still getting drafted by an NFL team.  Pretty impressive yes, but not exactly a star in the making.

Secondly, it seems like not a really great way to endear yourself to your fans by essentially turning your back on someone who is perhaps the biggest fan favorite of all time.  Sure, it’s fun to do it sometimes say, for sport, like we do with this website by writing about crap that no one cares about, but one must be skilled in the ways of the awesome to be able to pull it off as masterfully as we do.

The Packers don’t want to cut Favre, but it’s possible they’d be willing to trade him.  What should they get for a future hall of famer?  Some people say a couple of draft picks should do it, but I feel like potential teams should try to sweeten the deal a bit more.  How do you sweeten the deal?  Easy: Boobies.  Everyone likes boobies, and men especially.  If teams vying for the servies of Favre were smart, they would send over a nice letter, perhaps a fruit basket, and about 40 prostitutes models with bare breasts and happy attitudes.  I’m no business owner, but if I were, and I was looking for the right company to strike a deal with, no doubt the one to send me the most boobies would win.

Of course, quality of the boobies is also a consideration.  You can’t be sending over floppy boobies that are flat more than halfway down, nor can you send over boobies with areolas the size of cuts of bologna.  You have to find the perfect drape, and a nice, spat-out bubble gum sized (but slightly better shaped… not by much though) nips.

Perhaps I’ve gone a bit more into detail than I should, but I think you get the idea.  Brett Favre=Boobies.  They’re essentially interchangeable.  So the next time you see his name mentioned anywhere, just switch it out for “boobies” and it will make all the constant stories a bit more interesting and… titillating.