After kicking and screaming, and telling myself I wouldn’t fall victim to the hype, I did it. Saturday morning I packed up the mule and headed west. I pointed ol’ Sadie to the land of Agricultural Knowlege. A land like no layman has ever seen before. That’s right, I am talking about Stark-Vegas Mississippi.

Had a friend of mine that got all of his learnin there, book kind anyway. He called me and said that next football season he wanted to see his Bullydogs when they came to Knoxville to play my Vols. So he wanted me to come to State College and watch them this year. Now normally I wouldn’t but I hear them girls over at that fancy school go to them games wearing their pajamas and sometimes in skirts that don’t even cover their knees. Some of them don’t even wear pants over their legs underneath. This I had to see so I loaded ol’ Sadie up and thar we went. When I got thar I guess everybody had heard the same thing I did cuz thar was a bunch of us Volunteers already thar. Fires was a goin, meat was a cookin, and the corn mash was a passin around. I even seen one ol feller with a big ol funnel like you use to pour oil in yer tractor. He was pouring that thing full of beer and then drinking straight from the rubber hose. I ain’t never. Hows my tractor ever a going to plow if they put that paint thinner in my funnel. Boys aint right. I guess some good farmer must have had his fence busted up. He must have been a good un cuz every body kept driving around ringing these beels trying to call up them thar lost cows. I saw a couple of them big heffers crowded round one of the fire pits but when they turned around, I realized my better half had made it to the ballgame. boy nobody fills out a pair of brogans like my woman. Don’t tell her I was tellin stories on her or she’ll whup me. She’s bigger than me you know, don’t know her own strength. Anyway people looked fer them cows all day, never did see them, but I guess they quit lookin around halftime of the ballgame, cuz I didn’t hear them bells after that come to think of it. I guess when those boys and girls go onto the football field and blow on their shiny horns that means that the cows aint coming back, cuz they never tried to call them up with them bells after they blew on their horns and walked around in circles. Well we won that ballgame. And my buddy told me that we wouldnt play on a better field the rest of the year. That the grass was special made by them boys at the state college. Tell you what maybe they need to stop making litle grass seeds and learn how to run faster on the grass they already had. But what I saw after the game knocked me fer a loop. It was about a half mile from the football field that we came up on a field whar they was some fellers running around, I figured since they weren’t from around here that they was kicking the soccer ball. Nope. Not throwing a baseball either. You know what I found them boys down thar at the cow college playing? I had to look it up on my puter cuz I didn’t recognize such a thang. My puter told me they was playing Cricket. With a funny flat bat, some sticks sticking up behind the batter and a pitcher that can’t even get it up to the man with the flat bat. He just bounces it. Some feller that talked funny said I broadened my horizons watching them play. I just wanted to know why they were out here and not in the stadium. Cuz believe ol Jimbo when I tell ya, them was the only boys at that state college that acted like they knew what they were doing. Any place I go to watcha ballgame and they can’t even find somebody to bring me a co coler to my seat, I don’t need to tell you about going back to that place a second time. so for Davis wade stadium, I can say I been thar, and seen them short skirts. Just can’t wonder why they football team can’t seem to get any better. Maybe they need to quit playing cricket for a while til they figure it out.

What do you think?

I will just hang up and listen.