Three. More. Days.

To tide you over until then, I’ve done some extensive half-assed research on Cal in order to inform those of you lucky enough to be attending the game (2 of the 3 writers here, one of which is not me) and to enlighten those of you that really know nothing of our esteemed pitiful opponent.

A few years ago, a man named Doug Dickey signed a contract with a premier, up and coming team from California called USC. When USC realized they could appear to be a much stronger team by playing much weaker foes, they canceled the contract and instead referred us to UC-Berkeley. Also, I probably just made all that up.

Haha, his last name is ‘Dickey’

Just where is the University of California? UC is actually UC-Berkeley, the Berkeley being omitted to divert attention from the nerdiness associated with the university in an attempt to associate themselves with the whole posh California lifestyle. Berkeley is located near San Francisco, which as you all know is the world’s capital for homosexuality. Does this imply that everyone at Berkeley is gay? Of course it does.

In all actuality, UC has such notable alumni as George Takei (gay Star Trek guy), John Cho (the Korean milf guy and co-star of Harold and Kumar go to White Castle (he wasn’t Kumar)). Much more impressively, they boast one of the top graduate schools in the country and they’re home to 23 Nobel Laureates you’ve probably never heard of.

Alan Heeger, porn star Nobel Laureate for chemistry

The football program was established in 1886 and has won two national championships, the last being 70 years ago in 1937. Jeff Tedford is the current coach of the Golden Bears and has been rather succesful, including a 2004 campaign which handed defeat to eventual national champions USC and had a 10-1 record. For a more complete history, visit the Wikipedia page on the Golden Bears athletics department.

This year’s game is being billed as a revenge game from last year’s walloping, a 35-18 embarrassment for the Golden Bears. They entered the game as favorites and as national title contenders. They left disappointed, realizing that the teams in the PAC-10 really aren’t so elite and that an SEC team coming off a mediocre year is miles ahead of a PAC-10 team with loads of promise.

Now, from the eyes of your typical UC fan, Tennessee is full of imbred, pig raising, meth using, sister having sex with, tobacco chewing retards (see the ESPN commercial a few years back). But that’s alright, at least we’re not gay.

(Disclaimer: gay references used just for comedic purposes and are not meant to make fun of homosexuals which are not Cal fans. In fact, we love homosexuals that are UT fans! Wait…what?)