Okay, so unlike the quarterbacks, skill and ability will play absolutely no part whatsoever in determing the best head coach in the SEC. Instead, it will be based soley on who has the best combination of personality, energy, and potential to say something really dumb. Off we go.

12 – Tommy Tuberville

Tuberville gets the dubious distinction of being the most boring coach in the SEC. Whether it be his coiffed hair, his ability to not “fill out” his polos, or his ability to basically speak in “coach speak” at all times, there is almost nothing noteworthy that emanates from this coach. Thanks alot coach, for not being very interesting.

T-11. Sylvester Croom

I tackled a bit wit this one, and decided to award a tie between Croom and Mark Richt, because well, they’re both pretty good at the coach speak. Perhaps not quite at a “Tuberville-esque” level, they’re still pretty close to the pinnacle of what can be considered “uninteresting.” Now, don’t get me wrong. Croom seems to be a good guy, and a decent enough coach given his impossible situation, but he is extremely unlikely to spout out something that will be anywhere near incendiary.

T11 – Mark Richt

There’s no denying that Mark Richt is a great coach, but that’s not what this list is about. This list is about the possibility of a coach to plant his foot firmly in his mouth, and well, Mark Richt always says the right things at the right times. I have two words for you coach: Bor-Ring. Why can’t you just come out and say that you think you’re “G” is better than the Green Bay “G” or far superior to that of the Grambling State “G” or some such accusation? Why can’t you say that you’re a better coach than any former Georgia coach? Because we all know you’re thinking it…

9 – Bobby Johnson

Bobby Johnson is the closest thing the SEC has to a CEO. And Steve Martin. But that’s a different argument. Bobby Johnson is the kind of guy to sit you down, tell you you’re a dumbass, but do it in such a diplomatic and smooth way that by the time you’re done, you actually believe that you’re a dumbass, and thus become a dumbass for believing so whether you were or not beforehand. See how awkwardly that was written? Bobby Johnson would have done it WAY better.

Part two coming up real soon. How soon? It’s written, I’m just saving it for later, so that I can spread out what little creativity I can over the course of a few days to kill time before the season finally gets underway.