Dec
2006
The Tennessee Volunteers and the Nittany Lions of the Pennsylvania State University stuffed their gulches in Tampa at with food from a local Outback Steakhouse. Obviously, this is one of the better scenarios as far as getting swag from a bowl game goes. All told, the players (read: coach Fulmer) ate close to 200 cows worth of meat and there are now no more lobsters or pasta anywhere in the state of Florida. The actual numbers were almost just as gross as what I carefully researched made up just then.
And a feast it was as the teams devoured 5,000 lbs of food including 750 lbs of steak, 1,100 lbs of lobster & shrimp pasta, 700 lbs of Caesar salad, 200 lbs of green beans, 950 lbs of Bloomin Onions and 1,300 lbs of chocolate cake.
You hold I eat.
Holy crap. That’s almost as much food as Don and I ate (like the correct use of the whole “Don and I” part?) the last time we were treated at our favorite restaurant: Live Nudes Bar (and Grill). Of course, our food was free too, because whenever we show up, it’s like a treat for them.
Only wussies use napkin-bibs!
But back to the Outback food. I mean, seriously, if you had to pick a sponsor for your bowl, if you couldn’t get in to the Bunny Ranch bowl, I guess a nice second place would be the Outback Bowl. It makes me wonder about the other bowl games. I mean, did the players down in San Diego last week get a bunch of Poinsettias to take home? If so,that would suck really bad, unless they were the nice poinsettias, you know, with good coloring, wait, I mean, I have no idea which ones are the good ones (whew, caught that just in time).
Do players in the Meineke Car Care Bowl, get, um, free car care? And if so, can they use the vouchers at some place that doesn’t have George Foreman as their spokesman? Seriously folks, after reviewing all the other bowl games, there aren’t any that could offer anything that would be better than an awesome steak dinner. Want me to run them down?
Here’s the complete list:
- San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Free Checking! Woo.
- Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl: ok, I’ll admit, it’d be cool to get a free TV
- R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: um, free shipping, yay?
- PapaJohns.com Bowl: can I get extra cheese? No? Fuck you.
- New Mexico Bowl: unless I can have the entire state, not interested. Even then, iono.
- Bell Helicopter Military Bowl: giving out free copters? No? Didn’t think so.
The rest after the jump…
- Hawaii Bowl: Poi and Hula Dancers… actually not bad.
- Motor City Bowl: Free gunshot wounds for all players!
- Emerald
NutsBowl: Enraged Noles hate Emerald Nuts - PetroSun Independence Bowl: If PetroSun gives out free gas, well, this might be worth more than gold.
- Pacific Life Holiday Bowl: Yay, free term life insurance! Um, no.
- Texas Bowl: Nominated for
most imaginativemost boring bowl name EVAR. - Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl: Hahahahahaha, Gaylord. (The Gaylord Opryland Hotel is badass though.)
- Brut Sun Bowl: Holy crap, I used to use that crap in middle school. They still make Brut?
- AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Free Liberty or free air fresheners. Take the air fresheners.
- Insight Bowl: Free insight, that your bowl game sucks.
- Champs Bowl: Free overpriced crap. Yeap, it’s a paradox.
- Meineke Car Care Bowl: Free Foreman Grills? No? Oh, free quart of oil? Um, can I put it in my Foreman Grill? No? Oh.
- Alamo Bowl: The last stand on your road to the Arena League.
- Chick-Fil-A Bowl: a.k.a. diarrhea bowl. I used to eat lots of this crap, and well, it moves like a Japanese bullet train. Last stop: my toilet bowl.
- MPC Computers Bowl: Um, yeah, sign me up for one of those MPC Computers. I’ve totally heard of those.
- AT&T Cotton Bowl: Socks? Sweaters? Nope, a basket of cotton. Make it your damn self.
- Toyota Gator Bowl: Would be cool if you got a free Lexus, but free Scions given out instead. Expect there to be a couple abandoned Scions near the stadium.
- Capital One Bowl: Free wallets? Either that or free pirates. Either way, you can’t lose.
- Rose Bowl: A little worse than the free poinsettias. And that’s saying something
- Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Free fiesta in my pants. Wanna come?
- FedEx Orange Bowl: We will duplicate your resume and overnight it to NFL teams for you. Sweet.
- AllState Sugar Bowl: In the most literal bowl ever, they will give out bowls of sugar.
- International Bowl: This one actually takes place after the sugar bowl, because everyone knows that Canada is to Football what the US is to um, Soccer? Yeah, good planning there. Should be about -29394 degrees for the game. Bundle up sonny boy.
- GMAC Bowl: Day before the National Championship game. Free bankruptcy for your entire economy.
- Tostitos BCS Championship Game: Awesomely free tortilla chips. No dip though. NO DIP!
Well, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. And until we get better sponsors like Hooters and Frederick’s of Hollywood, we’ll have to hope for the players going to get some good steaks in the Outback Bowl.
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having Ruth’s Chris would be great but I wouldn’t complain about Outback either.
Here is the list of what the players
Dec 19th Poinsetta Bowl: TCU vs Northern Illinois
* Fossil Watch
* Poinsettia Bowl hooded sweatshirt
* iPod Nano
* iPod Nano leather case
* Poinsettia Bowl hat
Dec 21st Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs Oregon
* Pioneer navigation system
* ESPN trivia sports game
* Year’s subscription to ESPN The Magazine
* Oakley beanie cap and a baseball cap
Dec 22nd New Orleans Bowl: Troy vs Rice
* Balfour championship ring
* Aeropostale jacket
* Wrist watch
* Noise reduction headphones
* Commemorative coin
Dec 23rd PapaJohns.com Bowl: South Florida vs East Carolina
* Digital camera
* Backpack
* T-shirt
* Sweatshirt
* Mini helmet
* Sunglasses
* Subscription to ESPN The Magazine
* ESPN trivia sports game
* Wrist watch
Dec 23rd New Mexico Bowl: New Mexico vs San Jose State
* iPod
* Fatheadz sunglasses
* Under Armour backpack
* Under Armour beanie
* Schutt New Mexico Bowl mini-helmet
* ESPN the magazine subscription
Dec 23rd Armed Forces Bowl: Utah vs Tulsa
* Wrist watch
* Rolling duffle bag
* Workout shirt
* Samsung MP3 player
* Mini helmet
* Commemorative football
Dec 24th Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs Arizona State
* Oakley Thump 512
* Oakley Thump Charger Set
* Oakley Thump Soft Vault Case
* Oakley Icon 2.0 Backpack
* Official Bowl Watch
* Aloha Shirt
* Sheraton Hawaii Bowl Beach Towel
* Sheraton Hawaii Bowl T-Shirt
* Mini Helmet
* Luggage Tags
* Hawaii Bowl Calendar
Dec 26th Motor City Bowl: Central Michigan vs Middle Tennessee State
* Motor City souvenir watch
* Souvenir football
* Leather travel bag
Dec 27th Emerald Bowl: UCLA vs Florida State
* Fossil watch with Bowl logo
* Portable DVD player
* Souvenir game ball
* Armor Gear backpack with Bowl logo
* Fleece vest with bowl logo
* Baseball cap with Bowl logo
* NCAA Football 07 video game
Dec 28th Texas Bowl: Kansas State vs Rutgers
* iPod
* Game watch
* Hooded sweatshirt
* T-shirt
* Baseball cap
Dec 28th Independence Bowl: Oklahoma State vs Alabama
* iPod Nano
* George Foreman Grill
* PetroSun Independence Bowl watch
* PetroSun Independence Bowl New Era hat
* PetroSun Independence Bowl souvenir football
* $20 iTunes gift card
Dec 28th Holiday Bowl: Cal vs Texas A&M
* Tommy Hilfiger wrist watch
* Hooded pullover sweatshirt
* Sony Mylo personal communicator
* $15 Sony gift card
* Cap
Dec 29th Music City Bowl: Clemson vs Kentucky
* Music City Bowl Swiss Army watch
* Armor Gear equipment bag
* Adidas windshirt
* Big Game throwback football
Dec 29th Liberty Bowl: Houston vs South Carolina
* Commemorative watch
* Game ball
* Leather travel bag
* Nike heavy jacket
* Nike wind suit
* Digital camera
Dec 29th Insight Bowl: Texas Tech vs Minnesota
* Microsoft Xbox 360
* NCAA Football 2007 for Xbox
* Commemorative Bulova wristwatch
* Commemorative football and cap
Dec 29th Champs Sports Bowl: Maryland vs Purdue
* 15-inch flat screen TV with DVD player
* Commemorative watch
* Beach towel
* Backpack
* Panama Jack T-shirt
* Sunglasses
* Sun tan lotion
Dec 30th Meineke Car Care Bowl: Boston College vs Navy
* Sony digital mini camcorder
* Fossil watch
* Embroidered gym bag
* Personalized football
Dec 30th Alamo Bowl: Texas vs Iowa
* Sony PlayStation Portable
* Mini half and half team helmet
* Two-gig iPod Nano
* Alamo Bowl club bag
Dec 30th Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: Georgia vs Virginia Tech
* Chick-fil-A Bowl watch and wallet by Fossil
* Apple iPod
* Russell Athletic wind shirt
* Chick-fil-A calendar
* Souvenir Chick-fil-A football
* Chick-fil-A Coca-Cola bottle
* Chick-fil-A lapel pin
Dec 31st MPC Computers Bowl: Miami, FL vs Nevada
* Solar powered computer/iPod backpack with logo
* Pen and pencil set
* Winter gloves and hand warmers
* Winter skull cap with logo
* Weatherproof parka with logo
* Travel tumbler/thermos with logo
* Souvenir hat
* Souvenir football
Jan 1st Outback Bowl: Penn State vs Tennessee
* Sony PSP
* NCAA Football 2007 for PSP
* Game wrist watch
* Outback Bowl ring
Jan 1st AT&T Cotton Bowl: Nebraska vs Auburn
* Fossil wrist watch
* MP3 player
* Camcorder
* R+L Carriers
Jan 1st Toyota Gator Bowl: West Virginia vs Georgia Tech
* Josten’s Gator Bowl ring
* Mercury luggage set
* Oakley Thump sunglasses
Jan 1st Capital One Bowl: Arkansas vs Wisconsin
* 15-inch flat screen TV with DVD player
* Commemorative watch
* Beach towel
* Backpack
* Panama Jack T-shirt
* Sunglasses
* Sun tan lotion
Jan 1st Rose Bowl: USC vs Michigan
* Swiss Army watch
* Sony noise-limiting headsets
* New Era 5950 hat
* Under Armour backpack
* Under Armour gym sack
* Team plaque w/ team photo
* Toiletry kit
* Oakley sunglasses
* Autographed football
* Flip coin
Jan 1st Fiesta Bowl: Boise State vs Oklahoma
* Apple ipod video with Bose head phones
* Commemorative Tourneau wrist watch
* Commemorative game cap
Jan 2nd Orange Bowl: Louisville vs Wake Forest
* Pioneer Inno XM Satellite radio
* Four-month subscription to XM radio
* Orange Bowl wrist watch
* Panoramic kickoff photo
* Orange Bowl beach towel
* Orange Bowl beach hat
Jan 3rd Sugar Bowl: Notre Dame vs LSU
* Sony DVD WalkMan player
* Sony noise-blocking headphones
* Polaroid A300 digital camera
* Quadra medallion Sugar Bowl watch
* Sugar Bowl logo baseball cap
January 6th International Bowl: Cincinnati vs Western Michigan
* Souvenir watch
* Souvenir football for autographs
* Leather club bag
January 7th GMAC Bowl: Southern Miss vs Ohio
* Commemorative game watch
* Leather luggage bag
* Souvenir football
* Two-piece lead crystal set
* Ceramic helmet replicas
January 8th BCS Title Game: Florida vs Ohio State
* Portable XM Satellite radio
* Commemorative Tourneau wrist watch
wow, holy crap… the motor city bowl sucks…
Thanks for that, that was actually pretty interesting, i love finding out the crap that goes in gift bags…
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