The “Game of the Week” features the best and most relevant well, games of the week. This week, we take a look at the only game between ranked teams this weekend. We now present to you, the game of the week, week 10:

#19 Oklahoma vs. #23 Missouri

The annual game between the Sooners and the, uh, (does Missouri even have a mascot? they do? it’s the Tigers? of course it is, how creative) Tigers is always a barnburner… HAHAHAHAHAHA who am I kidding, no one outside of the state of Oklahoma gives a crap about this game (everyone in Missouri is busy watching crapball baseball). Now, we present the real game of the week:

Georgia vs. #9 Florida

Apparently, CBS and ESPN have no cajones and have decided to give in to the requests to not call the name “The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” or “thawehugiljsdkljCOCKTAILaijpwePARTY!” for drunk. I mean, what’s the point of tradition if a university president can single-handedly quash it without any sort of uproar whatsoever from anyone? Oh, they’re all too drunk to care? Well, I can respect that.

Anyway, on to the game, which EDSBS has cleverly named the “World’s Largest Outdoor Coke Orgy” which I agree is a much more fitting name anyway. So, let’s take a look at the intangibles:

Florida has one of those “bragging rights” deals not because they’ve won most of the last decades’ worth of meetings, but because they can call themselves “the penis of America” not because everyone in Florida is a dick, but because the state itself looks like a gigantic penis trickling pee I mean, keys, on Cuba.

America is hung. Now give Miami a squeeze.

If however, Florida is the penis of America, Georgia has to be the pot-belly of America. It’s almost like the country is leaning back to show it’s pudge off to the rest of the world, or perhaps it’s like those guys at the urinal who put their hands on their hips, lean back, and let out an uuuuggggghhhh whilst standing next to me. I don’t know, that just always turns me on creeps me out, yeah, that’s it.

Advantage: Florida

There are songs written about love, songs written about hate, and songs written about the Miami hospitality industry courtesy of Will Smith. On the other side of the token, we have perhaps, one of the greatest songs ever written, Georgia On My Mind by the venerable Ray Charles. One of the few songs that has the name of an opposing SEC Team in it that people all across the south don’t mind listening to (ever tried making a Bama fan sit through Arrested Development’s Tennessee?).

Ray Charles, ladies and gentlemen, Ray Charles.

Advantage: Georgia

The venue for the game has traditionally been in Jacksonville, which for those of you who don’t know, is in Florida. Coincidence? I think not. If the game were moved to say, Atlanta or Valdosta (at the DeVry campus of course), would Georgia start getting the upper hand in the games? Maybe. Would it be funny to have it in the parking lot of a Technical School? Hell yeah.

Look, grass, and skyboxes and everything

Advantage: Florida (until they move it to DeVry for reals)

Based on what was written above, Florida should probably be given the nod here, but it works out better for my team if Georgia wins, and besides, the line is Florida -14 with an over/under of 42, and I just don’t see either happening. So yeah, Georgia to at least get within 14 (still learning the betting terminology).