Ahh, week 1. The week we’ve all been waiting for all summer long. It’s so close that we can all almost taste it. Wait, that might be the bratworst that was stuck between my teeth since last season ended. I guess I could start flossing like my dentist told me to… but I digress…

We now present: the Week 1 Games of the Week.

Generally, Week 1 could be renamed: Weak 1 (haha, I kill me… that’s a good one right there), but this year, we actually have 2 contests that qualify as pretty good games.

• Game of the Week (1)

vs.

#12 California vs. #23 Tennessee

This is an interesting matchup with both teams coming into the game with serious questions such as:

Will Cal bring the cheerleaders that wear the sweaters? We hope the answer to this is no, seeing as how California has some very nice eye candy that they can contribute to the fold, and it would be a shame to see them covered up by long-sleeved sweaters or for that matter, anything longer than the already too long cheerleader unis.

Cal Cheerleaders: always able to ruin gameday with long-sleeved cheerleaders

Will Tennessee field the male cheerleaders? Unfortunately, the answer to this is almost always yes. Although I suppose it’s good to have something for the ladies to look at on the sidelines, I’ve found that it kills what little chance I had of hooking up with someone in the stands.

As the men stand guard in the rear

• Game of the Week (2)

vs.

#11 Florida State. vs. #10 Miami (FL)

Otherwise known as the “wide right” bowl, Florida State, and it’s coach of 7 million years Bobby Bowden, look to knock off Miami in what could be a preview of the ACC Championship Game. Both teams have a lot on the line, and Fulmer’s Belly has insights into just what those things might be:

“Hey, I can see that girl’s nipple… hehehe”

Florida State’s ability to have hot fans go to away games. Normally, I would answer no, seeing as how girls that dress like that generally don’t know where they are let alone caring enough about their football team to actually follow them to another school, but this would be a rare exception seeing as how the game will be held in Miami (that’s Florida, not quite the spring break destination as Miami, Ohio, but still). If there’s one thing girls like more than being attention whores at football games, it’s getting tans at South Beach and then being attention whores at football games.
Miami’s ability to not have people make fun of their coach. Larry Coker has done quite well since he has been at the healm of “the U,” but there are those who still think he might possibly be a zombie, soul inhabiting a deceased being, zombie. Although there is no documented proof that he in fact is a zombie, it seems that sometimes he has to try to show that he’s not by doing things such as post game interviews, and clapping on the sidelines.

I am not a zombieeeeeeeee…. ooh, brains…

Whether or not he can overcome the plight of the undead remains to be seen, but it does seem to help that he can disembody himself long enough to block any winning field goal attempts by anyone wearing a Seminoles jersey without being caught.

Ahh, it’s almost football season again, and just thinking about it makes me hungry for brains bratwurst.

Enjoy!