Editor’s Note: This is probably the most terrible Enemy Report ever. It’s kind of hard to hate a school that has such nice, um, facilities.
The UCLA game is fast approaching, and although some Tennessee fans seem to be writing this game off as a win already, there are a few things that the fans might be overlooking. In this installment of Enemy Watch, we bring you:
The Bruins of UCLA
The University of California, Los Angeles, located in the City of Los Angeles in the State of California (just in case you couldn’t figure that out, in which case, you’re dumb, but it’s OK because you’re too dumb to know that), is home to the Bruins football team of the Pacific 10 Conference.
Westwood is a great campus home to beautiful buildings, nicely manicured lawns, large bosoms, nice facilities, and renowned academic traditions. Eagle eyed readers might have noticed something in that list that might not be part of a standard campus recruitment tour (although it should be).
…………um, I’m sorry what?
The weird thing about Westwood is, the cheerleaders are probably about middle of the road in terms of hotness. Some of the coeds on campus simply put, make my penis cry. Not to mention,they’re not that prudish about showing it off, as evidenced by the annual UCLA Undie Run, which takes place at the end of finals to celebrate hot girls running around in their underwear. Or the end of finals. But I’m pretty sure it’s the underwear thing. Observe:
Okie dokie, enough about girls that I dream about sleeping with yet will probably never have the chance to (because my supermodel girlfriends don’t like it when I “lower my standards”).
Living out here in Los Angeles has given me a unique insight into the UCLA Bruins. And by “unique insight” I mean “no unique insight” because honestly, what the Knoxville News Sentinel writes in terms of Tennessee football in a day will almost assuredly be more than the LA Times writes about UCLA football… well, EVAR.
That being said, there are a solid core of about 50,000 fans that pack the Rose Bowl week in and week out. And by “pack” of course we mean “sort of pack” but due to the fact that when you make the trek out to Pasadena (which is about an hours drive from the UCLA campus), park on the golf course, and walk the 13 miles to the stadium, you’re not really in the mood to cheer that loudly.
The UCLA coaching staff is made up of a who’s who of who’s who aren’t fans of football. Head coach Rick Neuheisel, perhaps best known for being fired from the Washington head coaching job for… (spins wheel) betting in an NCAA Bracket Pool… (wait really? aren’t there any better choices on the wheel? wait, it’s true?) Well, that’s pretty messed up. Moving on.
Norm Chow is the offensive coordinator of the Bruins, former OC of the Tennessee Titans, and former OC of the USC Trojans. Widely considered to be one of the most preeminent offensive minds (hoping to one day be eminent) and developer of quarterbacks, Chow is most proud of his side business of making specialty pet food (see: Puppy Chow).
With this sort of pedigree with the campus, student body (mmm… and what nice bodies they are) and coaching staffs, UCLA is bound to give the Vols a run for their money. Hopefully not on the football field, but I mean, did you see those pictures? Um, I’m going to cut this post short because there’s uh, something in Westwood that requires my attention…
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