Alright guys, I suck for not writing part 3 sooner, but I’ve been busy
doing lots of girls going out with lots of girls looking at porn trying to catch some nip on a late night USA movie. But if you’ve been following, we’ve been analyzing various outcomes of Fulmer losing his job. So in this final part, we present why we should keep Fulmer.
- To keep the kudzu growth at bay. Chattanooga has recently brought in a team of 30 goats and a guard donkey to help control kudzu growth. But the real reason that kudzu has not overgrown the south is because Phillip Fulmer consumes approximately 300 tons of kudzu per day.
- Bruce Pearl – in order to retain Bruce Pearl, UT had to guarantee that he would never be the fattest head coach at the school. In return, UT guaranteed Fulmer that he would never be the sweatiest. There’s a delicate balance that I don’t want to mess with here, people.
- This blog – how can we keep writing a blog named after a coach that doesn’t work at Tennessee anymore? Domain names and hosting cost money, and I’m out like $37 if we change coaches just after we made this site.
- The Peanuts. Do you actually think people would get the Great Pumpkin jokes if Fulmer weren’t still around? Charles Schulz is dead, and the continued success of ABC playing old Halloween specials relies strictly on people like me continuing to make people think that an annoying bald kid with an ugly sweater that can’t score with girls was actually funny at some point…wait….that kinda sounds like me…
I’d love to keep writing, but the girls wearing Playtex bras in my Kmart ad aren’t going to stare at themselves.
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