What the hell. It’s been a few weeks (read: months) since we’ve participated in the roundtable, so we’ll stop back by for the Bama edition, hosted by the gents over at Third Saturday in Blogtober.
So, on to the questions and our ridulously awesome answers.
1. Both teams at some point or another have been described as an Evil Empire. If your team is the Death Star, what is it’s planet-destroying weapon?
Well, to be honest, if we were the Death Star, I think our planet destroying weapon would be that huge laser thing that the guys with the strange helmets operated. Why’d they need that half-cone jutting out from their face? Did it somehow make them more efficient lever pullers? Or do they use it as some kind of scoop in the event both hands are taken and they need to scoop something? I like Star Wars as much as the next guy, and I might even consider myself a fan, but I have no clue what purpose that helmet has.
Also planet destroying? Fulmer’s gas after eating a Krystal Sackful.
Wait, this is a simile? Um…Eric Berry?
2. What is it’s two meter wide exhaust port?
It would be a roughly circular hole, perhaps 6 feet in diameter, which could vent waste gases into space.
Oh. Right. Simile.
The offense. Special teams. Coaching. Motivation. You name it.
3. Everyone is looking forward to Eric Berry vs. Julio Jones. What is the next matchup you’ll be keying on in this game?
Julio Jones is good, but he’s no phenom. There’s always a Julio Jones every so often (Calvin Johnson, Desean Jackson, and many others) but an Eric Berry comes along once a generation. Let’s not get too excited about this matchup. Julio Jones will do his job and make a few catches, Eric Berry will do his and carry the team.
Other than that, I’m looking forward to Fulmer and Saban squaring off. We have one man, uncomfortably fat and getting winded on the short jog from the entrance to the sideline. Then there’s Fulmer, a god among men. Fulmer will crush him, then eat his soul. Think we’ve been sucking all year? It’s just been a ploy to exact revenge from last season. Never saw it coming, did you?
4. The Tide and Vols will scrap it out under the lights at Neyland. Do you like this arrangement and does the later kickoff time provide an advantage to either team?
Well, since I’m currently in Germany with a +6 hour time difference and Jon is on a trip with a +13 hour difference, we prefer early games. 7:30 kickoffs mean I stay up til 1:30 AM just to see the game start, and go to bed at around 5AM to see it to completion. So please, let’s keep games to 3:30PM kickoffs at the latest.
5. Since the Tide had a bye week and the Vols didn’t bother to play that weekend either (zing!) we’re going to say this is the Third Saturday in October just to justify the name of one of the greatest rivalries in college football. In three thousand words or less, turn over the kettles of white-hot liquid hate upon thine enemy.
Three thousand words? Jeez. My masters thesis wasn’t 3000 words.
But I have no hate to spew at Bama. It’s not usually nice to pick on the little guy.
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