Jeez.  It’s Monday?  The weekends seem to be getting shorter.  Anyway, I threw together an initial blogpoll ballot.  There was a good bit of movement by various teams, but it was also a busy football weekend.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Texas	1
2	Alabama	1
3	Penn State	–
4	Florida	–
5	Southern Cal	–
6	Oklahoma	1
7	Ohio State	3
8	Oklahoma State	2
9	Texas Tech	1
10	Georgia	2
11	Utah	4
12	Boise State	6
13	LSU	–
14	Pittsburgh	9
15	TCU	11
16	South Florida	5
17	Kansas	1
18	Brigham Young	9
19	Tulsa	6
20	Missouri	6
21	Ball State	1
22	Georgia Tech	4
23	Boston College	3
24	Florida State	2
25	Northwestern	1

Welcome to the Super Awesome Game Recap, brought to you by the Last Chance Gentlemen’s Club.  When you’re driving out of town, and you just have to see some boobies, we’re your Last Chance.

So, here’s the deal.  I didn’t attend the game, as I am currently halfway around the world (because if you go any further, you’re just that much closer… no?), and I didn’t feel like ponying up ESPN.com’s ransom fee for something along the lines of $60 to watch shit games on my computer with shitty reception on a tiny laptop screen.  That being said, I’d like to recap the game based solely on the final score and various box score stats that I saw.  Difficulty:  I will write it from the perspective of a fan who attended the game.  And off we go.

Man, that game was great.  It was a bit warm during the day, but by the time kickoff started, it was a really nice to see a few snow flurries flying around the stadium.  The new stadium renovations are pretty neat too.  I especially liked how in the bathrooms they have those “service girls” who’ll take you to a stall for some extracurriculars for an extra $300 or one smokey dog (your choice).  The only thing is, look out for the one with the beard, she bites.

As far as the game went, it was fun watching two coaches that are not morbidly obese, but what I like to call, “uncomfortably overweight” patrolling the sidelines wearing caps that don’t fit quite right, in charge of teams that aren’t living up to their expectations.  That being said, it was fun to watch Eric Berry outgain both offenses on his own.  I’m kind of surprised that we aren’t in title contention just based on EB’s individual effort.  D-Morley even got into the act and picked off a pass that looked to be sailing into the UU section of the stadium.  That man has to be at least 128 feet tall, it’s incredible to see in person.  I would know, because you know, I saw it in person.

Aside from that, what else is there to say?  Oh yeah, most of our fans are dicks.  In fact, I’m thinking about converting to Catholicism after seeing how some of our fans reacted to the fact that we’re the worst offense in the history of offensive football.  How does that relate to converting to Catholicism?  It doesn’t, it just sounded funny.  Fine, it didn’t.  Shut it.

Time for this week’s preview of what’s to come and our extremely accurate prediction of the Saturday night game against Mississippi State, available to you by travelling to Neyland stadium or ordering it on PPV or on ESPN Gameplan if you live outside of Tennessee.

The highlight of this game of course will be Phillip Fulmer vs. coach killer Sylvester Croom.  John Adams at GVX had an article earlier this week (can’t quit find it right now, but my 10 seconds of perusing old GVX articles may not have been sufficient enough) reminding us of all the coaches which have been “Croomed” in recent years, including Ed Orgeron, everyone’s favorite UF coach Ron Zook, and Mike Shula.

Mmm…daddy’s gonna take Fulmer’s dinner

While I’m not sure if winning this game will make it any less certain that Fulmer will be dusting off the old resume at the end of the season, but Fulmer knows he can’t lose this game.  Tennessee has won 8 of the last 9 meetings, and both teams are at a 2-4 record, although Croom currently has the edge with a single SEC win.

So what are the keys to the game?

1. Don’t let Arian Foster handle the ball inside of any 20 yard line
2. Perhaps try covering receivers closer than 15 yards out
3. Don’t use the G-gun–we all know it’s going to be a sneak, although calling it a “sneak” is just laughable now
4. Maybe throw the ball to the All-American tight end you fought so desperately to have this season
5. I think I said this before, but don’t use the G-gun.  No one’s expecting the pass anymore.

I’d love to see a win here.  This is a talented team with talented coaches, although it’s been tough to see.

Go Vols!  Win on Saturday!

It’s been six weeks since we’ve started the Fulmer’s Belly Fantasy Football competition, and we’re starting to see a few guys really pull away from the rest.

The Awesomes (B) is way out front with a 5-1 record, with his only loss coming to Cheesy Good Vol.  Moreover, he’s racked up a 120 point lead over Jon, also with a 5-1 record.  It’s actually mind boggling as to why Jon has a 5-1 record, and that can really only be attributed to luck.  His sole loss has come to me, sitting at 4th place with a 4-2 record, tied with Lintinfulmersbelly, who currently holds the highest point total at 980.

Here’s a quick midseason look at the totals:

The bottom few guys have either mostly stopped playing altogether or have roughly the same team management capabilities of Phillip Fulmer.

I’m looking forward to the next few weeks, especially so that I can have a rematch against the Awesomes, who handily beat me in week 1 due to my very crappy defense, which has now been improved.

Til then B.  Til then.

As the season moves on, it’s becoming more and more clear that it should be less a discussion of whether Fulmer will retain his job, but rather who is going to replace him.  While it’s devastating for this blog’s name, we of course are only interested in what’s best for the team.  Also, we need to get a jump on the other schools which are going to be in the hunt for a high profile coach to turn their team around.  As such, we’ve decided to compile a shortlist of our top choices for Fulmer’s successor, you know, to help out Mike Hamilton.  Cuz he reads this blog.  Everyday.

5.  Tommy Bowden

Because why not follow up one coach that couldn’t meet lofty expectations with another?  We’ll spend another few years on the cusp of greatness, starting every season with lots of hope and ending with even more tears.  With his recent departure at Clemson, he’ll be hard pressed to find any top tier Division 1 school stupid smart enough to offer him the reigns to their program, so the bonus is that we’ll get him on the cheap!

4.  Will Muschamp

The defensive guru at Texas has overseen some of the most potent defenses we’ve seen in college football.  He’s fiery and motivated, something we don’t see all that often from the current coach.  He’s also going to be on everyone’s shortlist come January, and perhaps we can convince him to come to the real UT and wear a more respectable color of orange.

3.  Joe Paterno

The guy’s like 94 years old, but he currently has arguably the best team in the country.  And it would barely cost us anything!  Penn State pays him the federal minimum wage to supplement his social security checks each month.  I say we offer him $12/hr and a 30% off coupon to the early bird special at Ryan’s every day.

2.  Lane Kiffin

Is there any college team that won’t call this guy?  There is some concern that he won’t be able to recruit the south as well, but we should also see a huge pickup of recruits out of California.  And just because the guy has only played out west, that’s supposed to mean that he can’t pick up players in the south?  I don’t buy it.  He’s an up and coming coach, and it’s probable that the NFL just isn’t his game.  The only downside will be if he sees significant success, we’ll have to sweat out every NFL team that comes-a-callin’.

1.  Don and Jon

Approximately what we look like in real life

Because two minds are better than one!  We don’t necessarily have a long list of credentials (i.e. none), but what we lack in experience, we make up for in all the hot models and actresses we bang.  Plus, we’d work nearly for free.  In addition to the $12/hr, we’ll forego the Ryan’s coupons in exchange for room and board in the female dorm of our choice.  And that’s not for perverse reasons, either.  It’s just that we’ll be working so hard on getting the football team back to awesome status, we won’t have time to pursue all of our usual actresses and models.  It’ll ease our minds to have young coeds close by, and it’ll give us more time to focus on the team.

Plus, apparently they have a lower tolerence to alcohol.  Woot!

Thanks to some good feedback from Dawgy1, I noticed a slight flaw in the ballot: Auburn was still ranked despite having lost to Arkansas! That gives a bump to Tulsa which was previously dropped.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	–
2	Texas	3
3	Penn State	1
4	Florida	11
5	Southern Cal	2
6	Oklahoma State	8
7	Oklahoma	5
8	Texas Tech	–
9	Brigham Young	1
10	Ohio State	2
11	Virginia Tech	2
12	Georgia	3
13	LSU	7
14	Missouri	11
15	Utah	3
16	Kansas	3
17	North Carolina	5
18	Boise State	2
19	Wake Forest	7
20	Vanderbilt	9
21	South Florida	1
22	Ball State	1
23	Pittsburgh	2
24	Michigan State	1
25	Tulsa	1

Dropped Out: Auburn (#17).

I’m still sticking with Alabama at 1. I’m not completely convinced that they’re the best team in the country, but they’ve made the best case so far.

Thanks again for those that commented to help make this a more perfect ballot. It goes to show that even you can make a difference by commenting here! You can totally affect a ballot to a poll which carries absolutely no weight to the college football world. That my friends, is democracy. Down with the terrorists and infidels! Was that right? No? Down with the infidels? No?

Bush for president!

Here it is, the Fulmer’s Belly ballot for the CBS Sports blogpoll, sponsored by Brian at Mgoblog.  So just remember, whatever sorrows we’re having here at Tennessee, our football bretheren over at Michigan are having quite the same season after losing to Toledo (Toledo is a Native American meaning ‘A Monkey’s Penis’) 13-0.

Rank	Team	Delta
1	Alabama	–
2	Texas	3
3	Penn State	1
4	Florida	11
5	Southern Cal	2
6	Oklahoma State	8
7	Oklahoma	5
8	Texas Tech	–
9	Brigham Young	1
10	Ohio State	2
11	Virginia Tech	2
12	Georgia	3
13	LSU	7
14	Missouri	11
15	Utah	3
16	Kansas	3
17	North Carolina	5
18	Auburn	1
19	Boise State	3
20	Wake Forest	6
21	Vanderbilt	10
22	South Florida	2
23	Ball State	2
24	Pittsburgh	1
25	Michigan State	2

Dropped Out: Tulsa (#24).

A few thoughts: I can’t say there’s much here that’s not to be expected.  We’re sticking with Alabama as number one despite the Texas win over Oklahoma.  It’ll give us some pause depending on what happens when the Longhorns face off against Missouri, but they could very well earn the top spot with a win there and any poor showing when Alabama faces Tennessee next week.

We’re also instituting a new rule here:  Any team in the top 25 that loses to Tennessee will no longer be ranked.

Florida gets a big jump after putting a beatdown on LSU similar to those which my sister much stronger sibling did to me.  USC is clawing their way back up, and OK State gets a boost after beating Missouri to stay undefeated.  I’m not certain Missouri deserved a big a fall as they got, but they’re game against Texas will really help clarify things.  Vandy fell 10 spots after getting Croomed.  Georgia falls 3 spots to 12 for the simple fact that they kept Tennessee in the game until the final 5 minutes or so of the 4th quarter.

From now on, even beating Tennessee by a small margin earns you a drop in the ballot.

USF takes a drop despite not even playing. Why?   Because frankly, looking at their schedule, I tend to think this off week might be the toughest opponent they’ll have, judging by how the Big East has been playing.