The guys over at Loser With Socks have come across a video that we wish we had made.

Go check it out.

It’s a spoof of the Geico Caveman commercial, and well… you’ll see.

Well, ABC abc, in all their wisdom, have decided to highlight the UT vs. California game as their first Primetime game of the upcoming season.  This is good news for those who… um, well, it’s not really very good news for anyone since abc is probably the worst in college football coverage since the days of watching football on the side of a woolly mammoth, but even then, the commentary was better.

One of the reasons I dislike abc’s coverage?  Brent Musburger.  I have mentioned many times in the past about his drunkenness, and one can only assume that he will do his best to suck all the excitement out of what will no doubt be an exciting contest.

The Ohio State vs. Texas matchups over the last couple of years as well as the Red River Shootout every year are some of the games that are broadcast on abc, with the power duo of Musburger and Dan “I only have one volume setting on my voice” Fouts both defying the laws of physics by blowing and sucking at the same time.  The problem isn’t that they suck at commentary (which is a problem, but not the main problem), it’s that Musburger speaks at a volume as to not awaken his abusive wife whilst she sleeps, as well as the fact that although Fouts sounds like he’s shouting, the actual decibel level is barely louder than the sound of one of my farts, the silent ones, not the earth-shattering variety.

Due to this, the broadcast truck has to crank up the volume control to “11″ on the microphones, while simultaneously drowning out any and all crowd noise from a game featuring somewhere in the neighborhood of 70,000+ fans.  How 70,000 fans can be quieter than one of my earth-shattering farts?  No one knows, but that’s what abc would like us all to believe.

This brings me to one of the networks I enjoy watching college football broadcasts on, CBS.  Say what you want about Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist, but Verne is a great sports voice, and Gary Danielson kisses the ass of everyone he can because he’s glad to be calling games in the SEC, and says as much every week.  Also, CBS lets the crowd do it’s thing, forcing Danielson and Lundquist both to have to shout over the crowd like everyone at the stadium has to.  It makes the game more exciting, and well, the broadcast better.

I was hoping for CBS to broadcast the game, but now that it’s on abc, I might just have to go to the game to avoid the Musburgerization.  We’ll see.

So, imagine that I was the commissioner of a major football conference. And now, imagine that I had a massive inferiority complex. Now, imagine that I just learned how to draft a letter. What’s the next step? Publishing it online to be ridiculed of course.  Of course, we here at Fulmer’s Belly are more than happy to oblige.

First off, here is the full text of the article.  In it, Jim Delany, the commissioner of the Big(11)Ten is able to convey through text, the kind of whining, temper tantrum-esque emotion previously thought to only exist within the arsenals of 6 year olds.  His message in a nutshell is that the Big Ten might not be as successful as the SEC, but it’s due to the fact that they don’t feel like recruiting criminals and stupid kids for their football programs.  To Delany, losing a few games is worth his integrity.  What a loser.

Ahhhhh, brains.

Follow the jump for the breakdowns.

(more…)

So, there were a few notable players not taken in the NFL draft last weekend. Some of those players have since signed on as free agents with several teams, and others are going back home to get an early start on their careers as janitors in a janitorial supply factory.

Two of the more interesting stories to come out of the draft, or rather, to not come out of the draft, or to not be drafted, or to come out of the draft undrafted, um, you get the point, were Florida QB Chris Leak and Notre Dame RB Darius Walker.

Chris “I wish I was 6 feet tall” Leak did what he was unable to do in college and dodged everybody coming after him successfully. He was eventually picked up by the Chicago Bears no doubt as an insurance policy for their unbelievable franchise talent at the position. There have been reports that recently the Bears management decided to go with a discount insurance company (those rumored are Geico and Mercury), thus their ability to sign a substantial insurance policy was severely curtailed.

Chris Leak is a good fit for the Bears, being that he can be pretty and suck at the same time. This is not a bad strategy, as it has been my benchmark for girlfriends for the last decade or so. But when it comes to football, perhaps there are some flaws in the plan.

Chris, you could have been my girlfriend… Nice Rack tho.

The other object of our ridicule undraftee object of our ridicule (upon second look, that one was right), is Darius “I’m too good to stay in college, and I’m going to be an NFL star” Walker. I have told him many times to shorten his nickname, but he refused to listen to reason, a lesson he’d no doubt repeat for not having learned from it the first time.

Darius became the first player in Notre Dame history to leave early for the NFL draft. Actually, that may or may not be true, but I think I remember seeing it somewhere on TV. It was either TV, or one of my dreams, which would explain the flying pink octopus in the background.

Anyway, Mr. Walker thought it’d be a great idea to leave college early, because he no doubt thought he was the #1 pick in the draft, and went undrafted. As it turns out, all was not lost for the former Golden Domer, as he signed a free agent deal with, wait for it, the Chicago Bears.

Apparently the Bears, thinking success is not something they want to be a part of, drafted 9 players, 7 of which no one has ever heard of. Even of the two that were drafted, only Greg Olsen from Miami was even a prospect on anybody’s mind. They realized how awesome it was to be beaten by the likes of Peyton Manning, that they didn’t ever want to be in a position where they could possibly pull off an upset.

Well, either way, neither player probably won’t make the roster, so all this will be moot. It’s just another service we like to bring you here at Fulmer’s Belly.com

So, as you can see, we’ve updated the site design a bit. Might I say at the expense of a productive night on my part as well as a productive next day (I’ll probably be sleeping all day today), but I think it’s a decent little design scheme we’ve got going on.

I’m going to try to get more functionality with a top/nav bar and some other things. Wow, my geektitude is really running wild today.

Anyway, we’d like to welcome our newest blog friend, CFBreport to our illustrious blogroll. They are an LSU-centric blog overall, but seem like nice people despite it.

Check em out:

CFB Report

We’re still waiting on your awesome ideas for stuff for the blog, so just let us know what you want to see.

As you all know, this is what I call, the “black hole of sports.”  It is the awesome time in which there is such scant news and developments in the world of sports, that bloggers such as ourselves (although we use the term very loosely), are clamoring for any sort of off-season feature that will help pass the time.

So, we come to you, our dear reader with this plea: help us write crap or at least think of crap to write about.

Last year, our SEC Traditions was a pretty huge hit, with more than a few people thinking that our take on all the SEC Schools was serious and realistic.  Just goes to show you what a large range of idiots fans there are in the Southeastern Conference.

We are trying to come up with new ideas for crap to write, but as can be evidenced by our writing, we aren’t very creative in the least.  In fact, all of our ideas for stories have come from random words written out by our Alpha Bits cereal.  Amazing, I know.

Without your support, we cannot continue.  We’re not asking for your money (although if you’d like to send us some, don’t let the words of a foolish writer deter you), we’re just asking for your intellectual property, and your firstborn children (males preferably, due to their ability to work longer hours, but females will do if they’re super hot).

So, email us using the link at the right, or comment here if you think you can cut your teeth writing for the awesomest blog in the universe.  That’s right, the awesomest blog in the universe (see how I italicized the text there for extra effect?  that’s the kind of skill we’re looking for ).  We won the award, trust me, we just don’t have a cool graphic to put on the site.

Okay, well, that’s it for me for today. We’ll be eagerly awaiting your awesomness, and know that if we don’t respond, it’s either because a). we didn’t check our email or b). you suck.  You decide which it is.