We don’t usually write about pro sports. Well, not since the end of the Super Bowl, but we here at Fulmer’s Belly (which is basically me now, because don has decided to leave for more drunken pastures at the moment), felt the need to bring up an open coaching job for one of the “premiere coaches” of our humble league known as the Southeastern Conference.
This is an open letter to Urban Meyer:
You’ve filled your two-year quota of playing with and winning with (I’ll give credit where credit is due… to a point) other coaches’ players at your current school, and it’s about time you’ve moved on to greener pastures.
Urban’s record of
ditching schools um, upward mobility has followed a pretty specific pattern. 2 years as the head man of the Bowling Green State University Falcons followed by 2 years as the head coach of the Utah Utes Fighting Mormons oh, it really is the Utes? Ok then, and now filling up his second year as the head coach of the Fighting Spurriers Mighty Gators. Well, we’re here to tell you that there is a new team that is looking for a head coach.
It is noted that every team you play for seems to be more ferocious than the last (we’re giving the Utes a break here and hoping that they can beat up birds…) and the new team that has a head coaching vacancy is even scarier than a gator. What is this magical team I write about? Well, it’s none other than the San Diego Lighting Bolts. I guess technically, they’re called the Chargers but as function of my analogy here, let’s just go with the “Lighting Bolts” mmmkay?
I’m pretty sure this argument holds merit though. Because alligators, the primitive beings they are, did not survive through the eons by being stupid enough to go toe to toe against bolts of electricity emanating from the heavens.
Here’s your chance Urban. The pinnacle in coaching. Not because we’re particularly scared of your cooky offense (also noting that you didn’t really run your offense the past couple of years), but we like to hedge our bets as much as the next guy, and so, we’d like to go ahead and give you the green light to take that next step in your career, and move to sunny Southern California.
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