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Subscribe to Fulmer's Belly by Email
And we’re not saying Duuuuke Crewwwwws, we’re saying Youuuu Tuuuuube.
Here’s the Video of Coach Summitt paying back Bruce Pearl for turning into the hulk prior to a Lady Vols game.
The Vols beat the Gators of Florida 86-76 in Dane Bradshaw’s last game at home as a Tennessee Volunteer. They were able to go 16-0 at home for the first time since Bernard King and Ernie Grunfeld were able to go 13-0 at home (which was at the Stinky Stokeley Athletic Center) back in the late 1970’s. But you know what? You’re not here for that kind of rundown. So here we go.
Brent Musburger… ever the drunk slow talker, decided to talk into the first few seconds of the Florida Tennessee game. Normally, I’m all about sticking with action until it’s finished, but the Michigan/Michigan State game was pretty much over when the second half started.
On to Pat Summitt. I was out of my seat singing along to Rocky Top when I saw here out there in the cheerleading outfit, and you know what? I got half a chub. Mmmm, middle aged women’s basketball coaches. It was either that or the fact that I had 9 supermodels vying for my attention at the time.
Don’t hold your breath Gino, I wasn’t talking about you
It was also cool to see Phil “Belly” Fulmer as well as his prodigal son, Peyton Manning. Fulmer has been spotted at a few games here and there, but it was cool to see Peyton there enjoying the campus. No doubt he got a parking spot on Peyton Manning Pass without fear of getting an “undercover-student-looking-like-he’s-just-looking-for-his-keys-but-is-really-a-parking-nazi” ticket.
The first half got off to an auspicious start when Florida scored a three point basket without even having the cameras on. Apparently they used up all of their focus for the half with that shot, and it was wasted, because as UT knows, you wait to score until you’re on camera.
The second half didn’t get too much better for the Gainesville Gators when Tennessee raced out to a 27 point lead. It got interesting when the Gators were able to trim the UT lead down to 6, but it wasn’t ever really in doubt.
It was interesting to see the few Florida fans in the crowd. Well, it might have been more, except the stupid ones who might wear orange to a Tennessee game (it happens a lot, and especially at football games).
Chris Lofton showed up to score, and the “ugly Noah” wasn’t able to keep on the gas as he seemingly ran out of steam after about a 2 minute spark. Way to keep up the conditioning there Joakim. Lofton was uncharacteristic when he missed 3 free throws in a row just to make it interesting. That was sneaky Chris… Very sneaky indeed.
And now, to give you all what you came here to see, the venerable Pat Summitt, all-time winningest coach I believe in any sport (she’s won more games than all the other coaches in all the other sports combined I believe), as a cheerleader. Enjoy.
Hat to be featured at this year’s Kentucky Derby
The Vols have just about cemented their spot in the NCAA Tourney, and a good run in the SEC tournament would help to cement a better seed. Hopefully they won’t have to play the likes of weird schools that are named the “Shockers” this year.
The impossible has happened. In a move that would make Paris Hilton proud (get it? scoring on the road? no? ok, fine), the BasketVols were able to fight off the Hogs of Arkansas, bringing the win total to the respectable, but still too young to gamble, number of 20. The win even caught the Vols off guard as Bruce Pearl was overheard muttering something about Chris Lofton not playing being the reason for the loss.
By the time he realized that the speech was from a few weeks ago, the Vols were so overjoyed regarding a road win, that in a Vanderbilt-like moment, the team didn’t know how to celebrate, and decided to take exams in molecular physics. Okay, so maybe they didn’t follow the Vanderbilt fantasy date to the letter, but they were excited nonetheless.
Lofton, seen celebrating the game by skipping in a decidedly awesome manner
So, the BasketVols now have one home and one away game left on the slate. The home game being against Florida (where Pat Summitt will undoubtedly show up topless, and a road game against Georgia where, if the football season is any indication, there ought to be some hot girls.
Many think that the Vols locked up their invitation to the tournament with this win against Arkansas where even two consecutive losses will still leave the team with 20 wins and an even conference record, but wouldn’t it be nicer to see Thompson-Boling rock it’s roof off (which is quite possible before the renovations) if the team were able to knock off the Gators? I thought so too.
Btw, can someone spot me $155 bucks for a pair of chairs from the Arena? Thanks.
Bert Bertelkamp, the color analyst for VolNetwork is quite possibly the single worst commentator since the “Austin Incident” where Brent Musburger, in a drunken haze, still reeling from the roofies put in his pre-game cocktail by Bob Davie in an attempt to “seize the power of the footbaw mic.”
Seriously though, Mr. Bertelkamp, please retire. You suck. I could do a better job at commentating than you, simply based on the fact that I have a vocabulary larger than my dog’s. In fact, my dog has a larger vocabulary than Bert Bertelkamp. Nevermind that I don’t have a dog, but if I did, I’d train him to know at least 2 words (see what I did there?).
As it turns out, Bert, wanting to get in on any audio clip possible, decides with stunning voracity and frequency, that it would be a good idea to yell random things after Bob Kesling announces that a Tennessee player has made a basket. Apparently, at some point, a determination was made that thinking up new and interesting things to say after made baskets was becoming tiresome, instead, replacing it with an easy to remember, two syllable word: MONEY!
Bertelkamp: “This Picture is MONEY!”
Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh here, but seriously, you suck worse than my ex-wife. Nevermind that I don’t have an ex-wife either, but I would imagine that if she was indeed my ex, it would be because she sucked… or maybe didn’t. Hmm, I kinda rode the train right off the rails on that one.
Anyway, next time you’re so inclined, tune in to the VolNetwork, but stay away from pointy objects lest you might want to pierce your eardrums. Thanks Bert. Thanks.
Click on the “Game Highlights” on this page and have a listen for yourself.
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Tennessee (18-8)
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Columbia, SC – There is only one team lower in the SEC East than we are, and we lost to them today. South Carolina (13-12, 3-9 SEC) came into the game on a 5 game losing streak. Tennessee (18-9, 6-6 SEC) came into the game on a 3 game win streak, off two key wins against Vanderbilt and Kentucky…and then this happened. Seventeen points.
Out of the gates, SC seemed to be on a mission. They hit almost 50% from the field and over 50% from three point land. Coming into the game, the Cocks were shooting on average 40% overall. In the first ten minutes, they shot 72%. But then things started to change. A Jajuan shot here, a Ramar shot there and we were on a run. We were making good shot selection, playing good defense, and on the way back. All the articles I’ve seen up so far say the point Tennessee came closest was when Dane hit his only shot of the game to cut it to three, but the truth is at the end of the run in the first it was 28-26. Only two points ahead and the vols with the ball in transition provided a chance to tie the game. Then just as hope was blossoming…it all came crashing down.
The Vols, playing to their strengths, came down the court quickly and put up a shot. Duke Crews, under the rim, crashes the boards and gets the rebound. He goes to put it back up and the ball is knocked from his hands. The South Carolina player excited after the play celebrates by raising his hands and shouting. Crews as he walks up-court to take position for the inbounds turns his head and says, “It wasn’t that good.” Whistle. Technical Foul on Crews. Carolina gets two free throws, but not the ball. An interesting Technical. As usually the team gets the free throws and the ball. But the call was questionable to begin with, so when they brought the ball all the way back down to our side and handed it to Bradshaw, I was surprised but at least it gave us the ball back. The technical, howver, proved more than just a singular penalty. It stopped our run and gave SC time to regroup put plays on the court and get back to leading by at least seven.
Worst No-Call of the Game: The SC player who took out Jajuan’s legs during his lay-up. Jajuan came down hard and had to leave the game after a scary couple of minutes. Action that could have led to serious injury deserves a call every time.
Greatest Quote:“When you lose a game like this, put it on me. I did not do a good job preparing my basketball team, didn’t do a good job coaching the game and didn’t do a good job making adjustments.” – Coach Pearl. What more could you ask for in a coach? Takes all the blame and none of the credit. Somebody tell Phil. My respect for him grows with each game.
Quote which reemphasizes my point: “So my first reaction is if that’s what it takes to get a technical foul, I’ll have to look and see what the standard is.” – Coach Pearl
Player of the Game:
Leading the team in points (15) and overall heart. Still my candidate for Rookie of the Year, at least in Knoxville. Plus he was 6-for-7 at the line. He continues to improve on a great season.Editor’s Note: HUGE thanks to Jason for this awesome contribution. Tell us how you like it, and we’ll lock him in our dungeon and make him write for us ask him to help us out full time.
I know this has nothing to do with college football, the SEC, Tennessee, or anything like that, but the only big sporting event of the weekend is the All-Star weekend emanating from sunny Las Vegas, Nevada.
That being said, and my need for sports not being completely satiated by the NFL Replay of Super Bowl XLI, I decided to tune in to the network that so cleverly named itself after trinitrotoluene, an explosive chemical compound. Good play Ted.
But Ted’s brain must be about to explode (haha, see what i did there? that’s super clever) at the coverage of the event. I don’t know what TNT’s operating budget is, but I would imagine it would be more than the people who are submitting videos of the event via their cell phone cameras to YouTube. The reason I bring up YouTube? Well, the quality of the video on the popular video site is at least 20 times better than the quality of the crap they’re spewing out from Vegas.
There are glitches, skips, burps, and other technical terms for terrible video feeds going on a dime a dozen from the All-Star weekend. Every time the camera angles switch, it seems that the feed gets worse.
My take on the situation is that perhaps the cameramen pawned their original cameras to pay for their hookers gambling, and had to pick up something that was not quite, HD. As it turns out, cameras bought from the back of a Chinese Dry Cleaners van don’t quite have the same quality as those bought in Japan. Sure, they might both read “SONY” but as it turns out, the “S” in a legitimate Sony product isn’t actually a “five (5).”
Thanks Ted, ya rich bastard.
As it turns out, the NIT is apparently not a sucky tournament at all. South Carolina, winners of last year’s NIT, decided to use their game against Tennessee to come out of their shell and beat the crap out of an SEC opponent. South Carolina held on to the ball, only giving up 5 turnovers for the majority of the game (the last couple don’t really count, since they were playing people out of the crowd). Tennessee couldn’t get the temp where they wanted it, and couldn’t get the basketball in the metal thing that has the nylon netting below it (from what I understand, that is a fundamental part of this sport).
The level of apathy towards scoring was second only to Ryan Seacrest’s attempts at the Playboy Mansion. Zing! A Ryan Seacrest joke. All part of the service we like to provide here at Fulmer’s Belly.
Chris Lofton couldn’t really get in a rhythm, although Bert Bertlekamp, along with his infinitely insightful commentary (which consists of one word… MONEY!) caused me to stick glass in my ears, limiting my ability to catch most of the second half. As the game started getting out of control, maniacal laughter was heard emanating from the rafters of the arena. When people looked up to spot the source of the mysterious sound, all they could see was the flip of a cape and the faint outline of a visor. And a golf club. And a sunglass/redneck tan.
Next up: Alabama for the annual T&A game.
