In my previous post, I mentioned that the players seemed to have gotten a break when they were able to eat free Outback Food as a byproduct of going to the Outback Bowl, but the more and more I look into it, the more and more I think the Outback bowl is awesome!

Outback Bowl, more fun than corporate money grubbing w00.
I mean, go to their site: outbackbowl.com (convenient huh?), and what’s the first thing you see? A picture of players at Busch Gardens riding a roller coaster. Go to Capitalonebowl.com (not even gonna include a link, cuz it’s stupid), and the first thing you see? Not fun and playfulness, you see feigned fun, with the mascot contest crap. I mean, it’s capitalism run amok I tell you.

Anyway, just thought I’d point out that I actually enjoy going to the outbackbowl.com site and damnit, I’m gonna go Outback (if I can find one) tonight.

Bruce Pearl did it again.  He’s been able to work the magic of making games against the likes of Tennessee Tech a “rivalry” again.  If that seemed like a facetious statement, it wasn’t because quite frankly, when Buzz was around, those teams would come in like they owned the place (you know, redecorating, ordering pizza, that kind of thing), and leave with a free win in front of 1,000 fans (995 of which were their own fans).

It’s actually kind of nice to be able to have “cupcake” games that you know the team is going to win.  I mean, if you think about it, the Vols used to be the cupcake game on everyone else’s schedules.  Well, no more.

Did someone say cupcake?

Seriously though, Tennessee Tech?  Are they even a real school?  I mean, are they sort of like ITT Tech, or DeVry?  (See, that’s a funny reference to anyone in the South, but pretty much nowhere else)  I wouldn’t imagine a Technical Institute would really be the best place to go in pursuit of NBA dreams, but then again, for someone as athletically challenged awesomely athletically gifted as me, I would probably only have a chance by playing at the likes of a Tech school.

Sure, people will point out that there’s schools like Virginia Tech, Georgia Tech and Mississippi Tech (one of those isn’t real) that are actually pretty good at sports, but I say to you, it’s because they suck at the “Tech” part.

Anyway, 101-77 I think was the final score of the game.  UT had 92 points with 7 minutes to go in the game, and Pearl called off the dogs.  Apparently Coach Pearl is a more kindred spirit than the coach of  Texas A&M who beat down a hapless, and probably homeless Grambling squad 101-27.  Um, yeah.  That was real nice of you coach.  When the score was say, 50-2, shouldn’t you just let the people in the stands play?  What do I know, I’m only the starting power forward at the West Los Angeles State Technical Community College East Campus.

The Tennessee Volunteers and the Nittany Lions of the Pennsylvania State University stuffed their gulches in Tampa at with food from a local Outback Steakhouse. Obviously, this is one of the better scenarios as far as getting swag from a bowl game goes. All told, the players (read: coach Fulmer) ate close to 200 cows worth of meat and there are now no more lobsters or pasta anywhere in the state of Florida. The actual numbers were almost just as gross as what I carefully researched made up just then.

And a feast it was as the teams devoured 5,000 lbs of food including 750 lbs of steak, 1,100 lbs of lobster & shrimp pasta, 700 lbs of Caesar salad, 200 lbs of green beans, 950 lbs of Bloomin Onions and 1,300 lbs of chocolate cake.

You hold I eat.
Holy crap. That’s almost as much food as Don and I ate (like the correct use of the whole “Don and I” part?) the last time we were treated at our favorite restaurant: Live Nudes Bar (and Grill). Of course, our food was free too, because whenever we show up, it’s like a treat for them.

Only wussies use napkin-bibs!
But back to the Outback food. I mean, seriously, if you had to pick a sponsor for your bowl, if you couldn’t get in to the Bunny Ranch bowl, I guess a nice second place would be the Outback Bowl. It makes me wonder about the other bowl games. I mean, did the players down in San Diego last week get a bunch of Poinsettias to take home? If so,that would suck really bad, unless they were the nice poinsettias, you know, with good coloring, wait, I mean, I have no idea which ones are the good ones (whew, caught that just in time).

Do players in the Meineke Car Care Bowl, get, um, free car care? And if so, can they use the vouchers at some place that doesn’t have George Foreman as their spokesman? Seriously folks, after reviewing all the other bowl games, there aren’t any that could offer anything that would be better than an awesome steak dinner. Want me to run them down?

Here’s the complete list:

• San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl: Free Checking! Woo.
• Pioneer PureVision Las Vegas Bowl: ok, I’ll admit, it’d be cool to get a free TV
• R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: um, free shipping, yay?
• PapaJohns.com Bowl: can I get extra cheese? No? Fuck you.
• New Mexico Bowl: unless I can have the entire state, not interested. Even then, iono.
• Bell Helicopter Military Bowl: giving out free copters? No? Didn’t think so.

The rest after the jump… (more…)

In just about a week, college football season will be completely over.  The NFL playoffs will start and it will keep most of us content for a short while, but in February, there will be no more football until August (I don’t count arena league – it’s kind of like Nicorette gum – not a good substitute).  So here’s a few things to do in the off season:

• Wait for national signing day.  Then you can spend a few moments wondering if future teams will be any good.
• Stalk Urban Meyer.  Tell him how stupid he is.  Keep it up until he finally realizes it.  Then get him to change his really gay name.
• Watch the NFL draft.  Cry when Meachem’s name is called (as much as I’d love for him to stay, I don’t see how he could turn the NFL down).
• Watch the orange and white game.  Realize that the 2007 season will suck too (9-3 is a great season…if you’re South Carolina, Kentucky, or Vanderbilt).
• Read up on Fulmersbelly.com.  We (read: Jon) will keep the site up to date with various Tennessee athletics news and short funnies to keep away the off-season blues.
• Make fun of Ohio for losing to Florida.  As much as I hate Florida, I know the SEC is better than any other conference, and I’d love to see one of our own once again crowned as champs.
• Catch up on all the porn you’ve been missing out on because you were watching football.

Hopefully you’ll find some way to cope until August.  Personally, I’m considering cryogenically freezing myself until then.  Or maybe I’ll gorge myself, get really fat, then hibernate.  Or maybe I’ll do what I did last year – drive my Aston Martin to LA and have sex with a bunch of supermodels everyday.  That never got old for some reason.

Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend, and is ready to get back to some serious TV watching.  Because, ’tis the season to be a lazy, fattening bum watching sports of various genres.  Yay! No baseball!

• Is it just me, or is Tennessee basketball actually pretty exciting to watch?  Team’s down by 10?  It’s because they’re eating lunch.  Down by 15?  Got them right where they want them.
• Dane Bradshaw, the basketball-playing torso has at least 5 balls.  That guy, is all balls.
• Well, as far as Chris Lofton is concerned, if there was ever a need for a last second heave ho of the ball, he could just shoot it like normal.  That LeBron James commercial?  Lofton can do it for real.

Shot taken from Knoxville, when playing in Nashville… Chris made the shot.

• The Tit(an)s are the same way.  I think they sometimes get down in score on purpose.
• VY is a ballah~!  That kid, with the weird ass sidearm throw, can throw a ball that doesn’t even arc.  The thing goes like 30 yards in a straight freaking line.  Damn.
• Is “Pacman” Jones’ nickname “pacman” because his helmet is twice the size of normal sized helmets?  I mean, paint that bad boy yellow, and it’d be perfect.  Also, I think it’d be cool if the crowd yelled out “wocka wocka” while he returned punts.

It’s almost 2007, I just got used to writing “2004″ on my checks.

Merry Christmas everybody!

And to those that are too PC to be able to say “Merry Christmas,” we say to you: “piss off and grow a pair.”

The Rockettes say to enjoy your Christmas, and eat lots of food and get really drunk and fat.  Enjoy.

Watching the Las Vegas Bowl, one thing jumped out at me was that Brent Musburger, often touted on this very site as being a dirty dirty drunkard, was way more animated than usual. It took me the better part of 12 seconds to realize what was happening there. I mean, they were in Las Vegas after all, and once 2 and 2 were put together, it was obvious that Brent had ingested so much alcohol, that he actually awoke from his perpetual drunken stupor. This was the first game in awhile where he didn’t sound on the urge of passing out (probably because he had quite a bit of money riding on the game).

On another note, could the Las Vegas bowl have been more boring? In keeping with a Las Vegas-type analogy, it was akin to watching poker being played live (as in not being able to see any of the cards). If you’ve ever seen a poker match live (I have seen a few big-time televised matches live, and believe me, it was… not very exciting.

Probably the most exciting part of the game was watching Ryan Leaf talking to the other guys in the booth. It wasn’t exciting in the traditional sense of the word, but was more exciting in the sense that he could have snapped and clawed one of the commentators in the booth.

Ryan Leaf in a bear suit
You know, after watching the video again, I feel kind of bad for that lady, because she looks so happy and naive.

Alas, before anything terrible could happen, Mr. Leaf (not the heartthrob from the 80s) was taken back out to the caged van sidelines by his handlers assistants.

Musburger also made mention of the notion that the bowl games are talked about in earnest during the offseason and the idea that the Pac10 would be thought of as being well, shitty. I could have told you that after the preseason favorite Cal Bears were summarily pillaged by a resurgent Volunteer team in Knoxville. Their excuse at the time? It was loud.

Well, the Las Vegas Bowl will hopefully heed the marketing slogan of the city and keep this game in Las Vegas, and never mention it again. Meanwhile, a bunch of Mormons have taken over Sin City, so hope you got to go in the past, because it’s all gonna be one huge mission site after they’re done with it down there. Enjoy!