The University of Southern California Trojans have taken the #2 spot in the BCS behind the Buckeyes of Ohio State University.  Hmm, could I have written a more boring sentence?  Such is the life I look forward to if I decide to take a job as a professional writer (which I think both you and I know is not possible).

I for one, am in favor of chaos.  That’s why I think that perhaps it’s good that the Trojans probably will play against the Buckeyes for the national championship.  This sets up a scenario of a possible Michigan vs. Florida or even LSU in the Rose Bowl or Sugar or some such bowl.  Now, say SC beats Ohio State, and if the winner of the Michigan/whoever game wins convincingly, we have a scenario for the 2nd split national champion in 4 years.

Now back to the fun part of the story.  I couldn’t decide which headline to use, but I figured some combination of “Beavers” “Trojans” “Nuts” and even sprinkle in some Arkansas’ “Nutt” “Johnson” and “Dick” would be a winner.

Trojans, beating down Johnson, frustrated by Beavers, to take on Nuts.

Can you think of a better one?  If so, you’ll stand to win, well, nothing.  But we’ll publish you on the main page, along with a picture of your hot girlfriend.  (P.S. hot girlfriend pic probably more important than cleverness of the title).

We here at Fulmer’s Belly, in order to have crap to write about during the football offseason bring you a more comprehensive view of college sports (no baseball, because they use metal bats, and that’s stupid), have decided to sort of write about basketball of the college variety.

First off, we’d like to propose nicknames for all the Tennessee sports teams incorporating the sport and the name of the team simultaneously. Allow me to illustrate:

• Football Vols = FootVols
• Basketball Vols = BasketVols
• Baseball Vols = Boring Sport Vols BaseVols

For the Ladies’ Teams, there’s an easy solution too:

• Lady BasketVols
• Lady VolleyVols

Isn’t that catchy?

Ok, well, on to the analysis (p.s. you can’t spell “analysis” without “anal” “sis”):

The BasketVols (see, catching on already), having won the quarterfinals of the preseason NIT, were able to go to Madison Square Garden for the NIT tournament. They lost the semi-final game against the eventual champion Butler, and were out-manned in the consolation game against North Carolina. After a 4-0 start, the two losses, the Vols are now out of contention for the BCS Chapmionship. What’s that? They determine the champion through a playoff? WTF is that? Hang on, I have to look up that word, because I have no idea what the hell it means. Play-off. Interesting. Settling it on the court. Hmm.

Might as well be written in Swahili (get it? It’s foreign to me)

Bruce Pearl, the Steve Spurrier of basketball, wasn’t able to pull out the win this time, but with something like 300 freshmen on the team, the team is obviously an ongoing project. Hopefully they’ll have the answer again in league play, and be able to knock off Florida twice again. Florida, lost to Kansas in Las Vegas, in a thrilling OT game, no doubt due to overconsumption of buffet shrimp (everyone knows people from Kansas don’t like shrimp). So, taking from that mold, if Tennessee players can grow about 6 inches each, they should have an edge against the Gators. That and putting shit tons of shrimp in the visitor’s locker room.

You know how the old saying goes:  the more things change, the more they stay the same.  Well, perhaps that’s true to a point.  Let me present to you, Kentucky vs. Tennessee.

Kentucky came into the game in second place in the SEC East.  In Second Place in the East.  In SECOND PLACE IN THE EAST. Sorry, I had to write it a few times to believe it myself.  Kentucky, bowl eligible for the first time since the industrial revolution, decided it would be a good time to try and make a run at beating Tennessee for the first time in 22 tries.

For the first time in the last few games, the score was very low, unlike the shootouts dating back to the Peyton era.  Well, with both of those changes, Tennessee was still able to muster out a win, extending the second-longest win streak against a single team to 22 (c’mon Navy, you can beat those America-Haters).

It’s sort of like that time I tried not to have sex with all the hot girls in the room but, it didn’t work, because even though I tried not to be so charming and awesome, the ladies just saw right through the cover, and decided to have sex with me anyway.  So I guess it’s true, the more things change, the more, you know, I’d finish this, but I have to go get with some hot ladies.

P.S. If you are a hot lady, and would like to get with this, email me at fulmersbelly@yahoo.com along with an application that can be found at jonIsAwesomeAndIWouldLoveToGetWithHim.com

Every once in awhile, we here at Fulmer’s Belly like to bring your attention to things that aren’t necessarily football or even sports related, but are so funny, we just have to show you anyway.

A guy who stood in line for a long time, and bought a PS3 a.ka. the P.S.ThreeBay (I came up with that one all by myself) has unloaded it on ebay… for 99…. cents. Dumbass.

I mean, overall, I feel sorry for this guy, because of the 40 hours of waiting time, the 2 year warranty, the 7 games that he had to buy, but you know what? If you don’t know how to add a few 9’s or 0’s, I don’t think I can help you.

And thus, the Christmas holiday Chanukah Kwanza Christmas season is upon us. Enjoy.

Ok, this may seem like a really stupid observation, and perhaps my memory has completely failed me at this point, but since when did they start showing football games on black friday?

I’m sure these games have been on the schedule the entire season, and are probably on the schedule year in and year out, but I just don’t ever remember it happening. The reasons I don’t remember watching games on black friday could be plentiful, but my best guess would have to be that I was either vegetating in a comatose state or out at the mall fighting off old ladies for the last $5 fireplace cleaning kit (not that I have a fireplace, I just like pushing old ladies).

Baby?  What baby?  Get outta my way bitch!

I mean, I think it’s not really smart to schedule these games if for no other reason than the two I mentioned previously.  I think it holds true for both the fans and the players.  Fans and players are probably full, and don’t feel like screaming or playing.  Plus, football players probably want to be in line at best buy to get a thousand dollar plasma with their salary scholarship stipend uh, lunch money.

On the bright side, there’s always a built in excuse when losing a day after thanksgiving game: tryptophan-induced lethargy.  Woo.

We here at Fulmer’s Belly would like to wish everyone a Happy Halloween.  What’s that?  It’s Thanksgiving?  Crap, can we still use the “Great Pumpkin” image?  Ok, well if not, just pretend like it’s Halloween, and if you’re a hot girl, get dressed all slutty and go to the Thanksgiving dinner like that.  It will be fun, trust me.

From our Belly to yours, prepare to enlarge many times over.  Stay safe, and you know, all that other crap.

Alrighty folks, the day you’ve all been waiting for: humpday. As always, we’ve scoured the globe to find the hottest ladies out there in UT land, and this week, along with the 8th Maxim, Fulmer’s Belly (and jon, because jon’s cool to have friends that are hot unlike don) is proud to present, our awesome Female of the Week:

Name: Jina

Age: 20

Hometown: Knoxville, TN

Major: Undecided

Why did you choose to go to UT?: I was too lazy to apply to other schools to be honest. I didn’t want to write essays for other schools’ applications. And I wanted to use the Hope (lottery) scholarship. Any dumbass can get it, so I figured, why not me?

We’re guessing she was the “S” in VOLS, either that, or a fishing hook.

How long have you been a Tennessee fan?:Not too long, but since my Junior year of high school, I started to watch more football, and I became a fan.

Remember that time we were at a party together and we started making out? Then we were almost about to get it on, but your musclehead boyfriend got all pissed? Then I beat him up and we started making out again?: Yeah, that was a close call.
(edit: as it turns out, Jina actually DOES have a huge musclehead awesome boyfriend, so if he’s reading this, don’t beat us up, it was just a joke… or WAS it?)

Some possibly NSFW pics after the jump. But if your workplace is uptight enough to prevent you from looking at pics of college coeds, you should quit your job.

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